Your boss pulls you into their office to reiterate the importance of the presentation you’re giving tomorrow. She reminds you of all that is riding on your presentation and that it must be fresh yet convincing. You feel there is an undertone of panic in her voice, and you’re not sure she completely trusts you.
That night, you’re lying in bed, thoughts swirling around your head, your hands sweaty and your chest tight. It’s the middle of the night, but you’ve turned your phone upside down because you can’t bare to look at the time anymore. Every feeling is magnified, and the negative thoughts are slowly crowding out all else.
What if you had the tools to manage your worries, calm the voices in your head, and let yourself relax?
We’ve developed the ABCDs of worry management, a series of questions to help you get past the thoughts that weigh you down.
Next time you find yourself in this type of situation ask yourself the following questions. You can write your thoughts down, or simply visualize as fully as possible in your head. Each time you do this it will get easier to identify the causes of your worry and manage the effects.
A is for: What was the Activating event?
Describe the situation that contributed to your anxiety, fear or panic. Try to imagine what the situation looked like:
Who was there?
What were the sounds and smells?
The more vivid you can imagine the situation, the easier it will be to complete the rest of the exercise.
Example: What was your boss wearing? Remember how you were standing when she spoke to you. Remember how she leaned forward on her desk when she spoke. Recall the exact words that she said, and the words you used to respond.
B is for: What are the Beliefs that you hold about yourself, the situation and other people?
What opinions do you have about the situation and the people involved? These might be opinions and beliefs you’ve held for a long time, or something spontaneous. The stronger your conviction, the more likely there is a belief that is contributing to your feelings of anxiety and worry. You may know clearly HOW you feel but examining your beliefs will help you to understand WHY you feel that way.
Example: You might not feel prepared for your presentation, but you might also believe you’ll get criticized by your boss no matter how successful your presentation will be. Maybe the fear of criticism far exceeds your actual chance of failure?
C is for: What are the Consequences of the activating event?
Go back to your vision of the activating event. Consequences will include both feelings and actions. Try to understand where those consequences came from. How do the consequences relate to your beliefs? Examining the consequences is what ties the story together and helps you make a change.
Example: How did you react after your boss finished talking? Maybe you sighed and rolled your eyes slightly. Maybe your boss smiled nervously, but you didn’t notice it at the time. You remember you felt angry and also scared while she was speaking. As you left her office you felt a little sad. You went back to your desk and wrote a furious email to your best friend. Then you stared at your presentation notes blankly for a while.
D is for: What are the Demands you have on yourself, the situation, and others?
What demands did you make of others during the activating event? What demands did you make of yourself after the event? We demand certain things because we feel strongly, and we feel certain things are our due. For this exercise, try not to judge, but rather examine the demands with an open mind.
Example: You discover that you hold yourself to an impossible standard of success. You may also expect your boss to understand all of the difficulties you encounter in your job. As you examine these demands, you begin to see they are unreasonable.
Next Steps to Manage Your Worry
Once you’ve completed the ABCD’s, it is helpful to write down and complete the questions listed below. Examine your questions and brainstorm some answers. As you complete them, you may think of other questions for yourself. Write those down as well!
How do I know that X (Belief) is true? (example: How do you know your boss will criticize you?)
Why must he/she/I always Y (Consequence)? (example: Why must you always get scared when she talks to you?)
Whoever promised that Z (Demand)? (example: Whoever promised that you’re presentation would be perfect?)
Writing your thoughts down helps you see them more clearly. You become an outsider with an objective view on your individual patterns. This will serve as a guide to the inner workings of your own mind. Simply completing this process will help ease your worry in the present and provide a road map for managing your worry in the future.
Anxiety and worry are both common and treatable human conditions, especially with licensed professional help. The next step is contact Cornerstone Mobile Counseling to get connected to a licensed mental health professional by texting or calling (315) 868-1000.